Ellaeenah

When will you and I stop playing games with ourselves? When will we stop the deception? When will we have the strength to acknowledge who we are? No, I don’t mean the glory of who we are. When will we have the courage to acknowledge that I live in ego, I think in ego, I feel in ego or I expect, I judge, I criticize, I am opinionated, I am mean, I am greedy, I lie, I cheat. It will end the day we become less self righteous. So what is wrong, I ask you? What is wrong in expectation, in judgment, opinion, in criticism? What is wrong? If you were not completely imbued in it, would you have chosen this human existence? Ask yourself. Why do I need to be self righteous? Why do I need others to think good of me, why is it important for me to please all else? How little do you love yourself? It is in this lack of love that you become self righteous. It is because you love yourself so little and consider yourself so small that you wish to show the world how large you are. It is through this, that you are constantly validating, justifying, yourself, never stopping, because if you were to stop, there would be self condemnation. And you wish so desperately and so fervently to run away from this self condemnation. You search, you seek, you run to every meeting, every medium, every book, every friend who will tell you, you are great. And you have sat here meeting after meeting, month after month and year after year listening to the truths and still playing the game.
You don’t come here to learn that you are God. You come here to reaffirm how small you are; that is why you come here. So that you can look upon this podium, and share the words of those you consider masters and tell yourself “I can never be this.” And that is why you come here.
If you didn’t, if you truly didn’t come here for that reason, you would not play this game so strongly week after week, ensuring that all those who come with you know how evolved you are. You come here out of ego and you have never acknowledged that. Do not step into this room again till you are able to stand outside that door and acknowledge in all honesty “I come out of ego” or acknowledge in equal honesty, “I come in spirit.” Either of these honest acknowledgements is to be made to your self before you enter these hallowed walls.
But you cannot make it to yourself. You sit here in fear; you sit here in dread, “what if I don’t evolve? What if another leaves me behind in this race to evolution which I must win? What if it is true that I am really as bad as I know I am? What if it is true that all others around me are far better informed, far kinder, far more honest than I?” And in that race of self righteousness you have stopped enjoying you. And that is why you so desperately seek your friends, your parties, your games. And yes, your relationships. You have sucked the fun out of being you. You are a question mark. Because who are you really? Do you have the courage to stand in front of a hundred people and tell them of all your faults, your pettiness, your manipulations, your schemes? Can you come here week after week and share with all the wrongs that you have done in that one week? No. But you are so ready to spout in loud terms your so called spiritual experiences. We forbid that henceforth. We forbid that. You can talk as loudly as you wish of your spiritual experiences if immediately after that you follow it up by an acknowledgement of what you have done which you are not proud of. If you do not have the courage to speak of that, you do not have the right to speak of anything else. We do not mean to chide or reprimand but often harsh words are the only way to make you sit up and take stock of what you are doing. And so often we notice you slide back into complacency and self righteousness. The more you grow the more self righteous you become, and then you play the games of “This area being mine and this space being mine.” What space is yours?
The only space you have a right to call your own is the one you consciously create. And what space till now have you consciously created even for a short moment in your time? You have lived in the space others have created for you. How then do you call that yours? The next time you keep someone out of that space, you will first create it. And when you have created your space, in that experience, in that creation of space, you will welcome all. You say “This is my time. My space.” Who is my? Till as long as you cannot define my, you have no permission from the universe to use that word. There is no my husband, my friend, my parent, my book, my house, my car. How can they all exist when there is no definition of my?
And these are the games you play everyday, moment to moment. And just as you live in your world of duality, this duality exists within you. As your spirit essence expands, so does ego. And it must. Ego must expand, larger than life itself so that you can see it, understand it, acknowledge it, and then, if you wish to, transmute it. Ego must expand proportionately to spirit essence. Then where the shame and where the guilt and where the blame on self and another? And the game you most find difficult to admit to is your game of manipulated thought and action. You are sometimes so pathetic that you cannot even acknowledge what you think and feel. Even to self. Even in that there is no courage; and how ironic that you wish to save this world. It takes courage to save the world. It takes courage to acknowledge that something is not right, in your perspective yes, but is not right. And then it takes courage to take the power of Ray 4 and use it to cause as much conflict to your ego as you can, in the full conviction and knowledge that out of that conflict comes the harmony that you seek. How often have you run away and escaped from the conflict within yourself? And then what harmony do you seek? You will get none. Let harmony be a word that is erased out of your dictionary. You do not have the courage to grasp it by its neck. Harmony requires conflict. Do you have the courage to take up that challenge? And if you don’t, you must be satisfied with a life of disharmony.
You seek help and you go to healers. Help requires courage. Change requires courage. And growth requires courage. It requires courage to be honest with yourself about how small you are when you know you can be larger. It requires courage at every moment of condemnation of other, to understand and acknowledge that you condemn yourself. And then you wish to educate others. Do you know what is education? Do you even know its purest definition? Education is becoming so small that you can fit into the shoes of one who is ignorant, and then in those shoes becoming so large that the small shoes expand enough to fit you. Do you really think you are ready to educate? Are you ready to become as small as the person who is ignorant?
You have a long way to go. And yet how wonderfully your spirit grows. But you never reap the benefit of the growth of your spirit because you lack the tenacity to stand still and grow completely. And a complete growth means a complete growth of spirit and ego. When ego grows so large you have to see it and acknowledge it. For how else will you move away from this pet enemy of yours? Welcome it. When you resist the energy of anything or any being, your entire physical faces the trauma, it shakes with the effort of the resistance you put in. And it is not only true for channeling, my dear. It is true for all the resistance you put up everyday in your life, quite unaware that your entire physical world is shaking. Why do you resist any energy? But first why do you label it as “fit of resistance?” If you truly consider all energy to be ONE, unseparated, unindividuated, undifferentiated, how then do you choose to accept one and resist another? And you do this everyday by resisting the energy of your own ego.
Should we play upon words here, you have often called ego –Edging God out. Which God? The self righteous one who grows within? Certainly edge that god out, because the power of the ego that you can experience is incomparable. You can experience the power of the ego easier and more forcefully than you can experience the power of your spirit essence. And if you wish to grow, whatever that term means to you, then you need the power of your ego to grow, not the power of your spirit essence which you will only feel fleetingly and in odd moments. The power of the ego you feel constantly. Use it proudly. Do not denounce the greatest friend that you have, the most powerful tool given to you. Ah, I can hear that. You are thinking “This gives me the permission now to be vain, and boastful and arrogant.” Of course it does; go ahead and be that. Go ahead and let the ego manifest in that because you will see in that, THAT WHICH YOU ARE NOT. And there is no greater power than the vision to see THAT WHICH YOU ARE NOT. Go ahead and be vain, go ahead and be proud. And be all of this larger than life and be as obnoxious as you can, as mean, as manipulative, as scheming as you possibly can. Leave no holds barred. Because in that will be the strength that you can take to then be that which you are. So stop the complaining, the crying and the whining. Be joyous that you have a mirror as large as this so that you can see that which you are not. When have you given a moment of gratitude to your ego? Sit in silence for a minute and acknowledge your ego here and now and be grateful to your ego for giving you the strength to work with.
(There was silence for a minute)
You resist people because you resist your ego. The more you have accepted your ego the more you are now comfortable with people. No one is your enemy. No one is your friend. They are only you. Accept you. Accept who you are. You will stop resisting the mirrors then. With as much joy and honour that you greet your growth and spirit essence, welcome the growth of your ego.