22-7-2007

Incomplete Self-Esteem

Ellaeenah:

The one common strand of energy that all human beings notice by its absence within their structure, is the strand of self.-esteem. Our attention is drawn to its absence when we experience its most obvious, larger-than-life manifestations: ‘I can’t have successful relationships so it’s a big one; I can look at it’ ‘My health is shot to pieces. It’s a big one; I can look at it’. ‘People cheat me at work. Big one! I can look at it’. When these big manifestations do not take place, we tend to make ourselves believe that we have completely overcome the self-esteem issue and that we have been able to successfully remove the hook. A level of complacency sets in; complacency that has arisen from a feeling of well-being. That feeling of well-being is great; in fact, it’s your spur to make you move closer and closer to full self-esteem, but when that feeling of inner well-being makes you complacent, the hook begins to go in deeper.

Some manifestations are more subtle and are thus easier to miss. Let us study these closely because if we are alert to the subtle manifestations we will catch ourselves in time and not allow the lack of self-esteem to become a monster inside us. What would be its subtle manifestations in the area of relationships? Let’s say once a week your spouse or significant other or in any other area of relationship, there is that one person who will say something, advertently or inadvertently, to put you down and you react. It’s not what was said, you’re not holding on to that. Everyone has the right to say what they need to say and in whatever way they need to say it. But you react and it might be a momentary irritation; it may not become a conflagration in your life; you may not even have a row about it. It remains as an irritant and within you it’s, ‘I just wish he’d stop talking in that manner.’ It is so subtle that you do not even pay attention to it and because you do not focus on that fact that once again the hook has gone in a little deeper. Then all of a sudden, after 6 months, you might have a row and you will sit back and wonder, ‘What happened? After 6 months of calm and tranquility, why did it erupt in my face, all over again?’ Because you didn’t focus on the minor irritants it brought along for you to focus on. That would be, let’s say, a subtle irritant in the relationship area.

Let’s take the work related areas: jobs, careers. Instead of being major frustrations or a huge boss/employee kind of conflict, it can come as delays in work; very subtle. You have to go and meet this one person in order to have the deal go through and every time you call up, he’s out on a trip, he’s unavailable, you make that appointment and maybe you have to cancel the appointment at the last moment. There are delays. Again, it’s an irritant. You’ll sit and wonder: ‘Why is this thing not going through? All the time, I’m having a delay.’ Someone may have to come and just fix your computer so that you can send off that important circular to your clients and he just doesn’t come for 4 days. You see how subtle these irritants are? And we do not equate them with the lack of self-esteem issue.
Let’s then move on to friends. We all have friends who are our support system, very strong, and we also have one or two of our support system who also cause us a little bit of grief, here and there. That person, that wonderful friend, would be used as your catalyst and she would probably turn around and say: “you know, I don’t want to come to your party today. I have another better party to attend.’ That is treated as an irritant, maybe even minor annoyance, but it’s not equated with lack of self-esteem.

Let’s look at the area of money: suddenly the bills escalate and the cheques stop coming in and the washing machine decides to go bust on you and the very next day so does the refrigerator.  You see how these are so minor? None of which makes us look at what’s happening within.

So let us see what happens within and how it is translated to these subtle irritants. Our inner dialogue whispers the words: ‘You’re not good enough. You’re going to mess up again. You don’t deserve it all.’ And that’s the whisper that’s so soft that it gets lost in the loud sounds of daily living. But it’s talking and it’s muttering, and the muttering becomes a little bit louder and it becomes a kind of a rumble. Though you may miss the muttering and the whispering, the rumbling is far more tangible and it has a wonderful physical clue: a tummy upset. It’s not quite diarrhoea, it’s not quite food poisoning, it’s not quite indigestion; it’s just a rumble. The clue may be so subtle, you don’t even need to take a pill.

Next time you experience that, catch yourself and immediately, begin to focus on self. At the same time, study what is happening around you in your external environment, being very, very aware of the minor irritants, delays, frustrations, annoyances that come your way. Don’t brush them of as: “That is part of daily living now. You have to accept these ups and downs in daily living.” What a belief system! My question is: “Why? Why must you accept the ups and downs of daily living? As soon as you have that as your belief system, you give up a little bit of your power and say: “Conflict, this big is not acceptable but if you bring them in small packages, I’ll accept them every day.” So you’re telling the universe…Law of Attraction… “When you trouble me in small packages, it’s fine because I deserve that.”

It’s a natural reaction to react to something you firmly believe you don’t deserve. There is a rejection of the reprimand, which is a very natural reaction if you have a healthy self-esteem, even if it’s not full. All of us are in a place of healthy self-esteem though it may not be in a place of full self-esteem.

All we need to do is to tell the universe: STOP IT! But to say stop it, you have to be free of the hook and you have to say: “Not acceptable! Not acceptable! Minor irritants are not part of my belief system. They are not acceptable. I choose not to make them part of my reality anymore.” Haven’t you heard how people talk? “It’s just a minor irritant. Bear with it. Don’t make such a big deal with it.” I am here to ask you to, in fact, make a big deal out of it. It’s because you don’t make a big deal out of a minor irritant that the irritant becomes an annoyance, an annoyance becomes rage, rage turns into conflict.
Why are you agreeable to minor irritants? Because that incompleteness of self-esteem makes you believe you deserve a ‘lot’, but you don’t deserve it ALL. So you are happy to make two million rupees but when someone says, ‘Why not ten million?’ You’ll say, ‘Don’t be greedy.’ That’s as foolish a statement as saying, ‘I’ll only breathe 20 hours a day because if I breathe 24 hours in a day, it’s very greedy. I’m taking away someone else’s oxygen.’

There is no resource in the world that will ever run dry however much your conservationists say otherwise. But it will run dry because we believe it will. The Earth has had oil for millions of years, water for millions of years, forests for millions of years. We have used it and used it and used it and when one oil well goes dry, another one springs up.

You may make people aware of imminent danger but you must make them, instantaneously and simultaneously, believe that they have the solution in their power. It’s a truth that’s come to you because you have the power to do something about it; not to make you believe the Earth has come to an end. Why do we have belief systems that are self-negating? Because we have the hook of lack of self-esteem. We truly don’t believe that we deserve it all. We are so happy with small successes that come our way that we tell ourselves: don’t be greedy and ask for more. I know so many people who are scared to talk of their success because they say: ‘If I talk of it, it will go away.’

 So you are OK with the minor irritants coming your way, you’re OK with the big irritants coming your way, but you’re not OK with big success. It’s time to study our lives now from that area. We’ve worked enough for the big things not to happen. Now let us say ‘No!’ for the small ones as well. Not acceptable! So someone says something to you and there is an irritation in your mind. Instantly say: ‘Not acceptable!’ You don’t have to react and hit out at that person; you have to know that that person is worthy of your gratitude. Internally, hold the hook (wherever you think the hook lies within you) and say: ‘Not acceptable! I deserve it all.’

In your day, you have so many minor irritants that take place, from the servant who comes late, to the kid who doesn’t do his homework, to the husband who ensures he wants his favorite meal every night, to that person who took something from you and didn’t even say thank you. So pay attention to your stomach rumble. It’s a great one!

Do you know why the stomach rumbles? The lack of self-esteem issues start with potty training. It’s time for the next generation to be free of the hook. Our generation needs to know how to help. Look around you; is there any adult who doesn’t not go to the toilet, and who does it in the bedroom? What triggers us, as adults, when the little child is not doing his little thing in that little red tortoise potty? So he soiled himself again. So he soiled the bed again. Mom may not even voice her anger and irritation, but the child doesn’t even understand mom’s words yet. But, believe me, there is nothing that you will do or not do, which your toddler will not understand because your toddler lives in a realm of consciousness where the only language is energy. So it will pick up your energy first, then the father’s, the environment and the messages of lack of self-esteem are set through energy.

Will you be able to live for ever without irritation? You may not, but you can make it less often if you work on your hook right now. And because that potty training is such a huge area of the building of the psyche, it’s the same bowel movements that are your clue when the hook is coming in.

Taking responsibility for self means listening to what people are telling you, heeding it, and making a choice yourself after giving it due recognition. Paying heed to someone’s words is not surrendering to their power, but lack of heed to someone’s words makes you as powerless as giving up your power and saying ‘yes’ to everything. Self-esteem hasn’t left; it’s only its manifestation has changed. Taking responsibility means making the choice on your own. I choose to do this. I choose not to do this. When you choose whatever it is that you have chosen, then self-responsibility will not let you enter into the zone of blame. A choice can never be made in submission or rebellion. A choice can only be made in balance.

Responsibility is not about self-blame. When I tell someone to take responsibility, they generally look at me and say: ‘But Ell, I am not to blame here.’ And I say: ‘You didn’t listen to my words, love. I didn’t say you were to blame. I said to take responsibility.’ Make a choice, a choice that is not made unconsciously by the external environment pulling at your strings but a choice that is made through complete clarity of thought and balance of energy.

Nothing happens at this level of knowingness; everything takes place at a level of consciousness that you are not aware of. You look at everything and study everything with this level of knowingness, which is so often not a perfect perception.

This knowingness has the ability to delude you, has the ability to take you into a place of blame, has the ability to joyously accept stuff but it’s not a complete zone. But because we tend to identify ourselves, our actions, our words, our feelings from this limited zone of knowingness, we fool ourselves, delude ourselves into making ourselves believe that others have done it all.

I’m asking you to take responsibility because it’s all the collective unconscious. Consciousness has no boundaries. It doesn’t recognize geographical boundaries. That’s why it’s called the ‘collective unconscious.’

Everything, everything, living or non-living, is that collective energy. You and I live in a limited range of knowingness but not consciousness. But every time you make a choice, you are converting collective unconscious into collective conscious.

Working towards self-esteem is not difficult. It’s great! How many of you have played football where your opponents have nudged you and you’ve nudged them back and then off the field you are the best of friends? But on that field there is foul language flying all over the place, whistles blowing. That’s the joy of the game. Have that fun with yourself.

Learn to lighten up. Enlightenment has become a heavy word because we just didn’t understand this word. We thought it was all about Buddha sitting under a tree, for so long, in isolation, and maybe that’s what I need to do in order to attain enlightenment. If that’s what you choose to do, wonderful. But are you choosing to do it or are you allowing someone else’s belief about spirituality, about enlightenment, to affect you? If that’s your choice, then wonderful. Drop everything right now and go and sit under a Bodhi tree because it’s a choice. But if your choice is to en-lighten yourself, which means to remove all burdens, to have fun with life, then make that choice without shame, without guilt. Have that glass of alcohol and say: “Here’s to spirituality! Let’s have another.’ Eat that beef steak even though your neighbor is saying: ‘Are you truly spiritual? You’re not vegetarian?’ You can turn around and say: ‘Have a bit. It’s divine spirit.’

Choose what your beliefs are; that’s when the hook comes out. Always make a choice. From now on don’t let any minor moment pass you by without saying: I choose to

It’s all about your choice, but we’re very scared to make choices so we ask people again and again and again for validation: ‘Is this right? Do you agree with me?’ Your choice cannot be right or wrong. Yes, it can have consequences that may be pleasant for you or may not be pleasant for you. But when it has been your choice then even if it has not been pleasant, you will accept the consequence bravely, without blame, and say: ‘Now I know not to do it in this manner.’ Well done! Good lesson learnt.

Say ‘I choose.’ It’s a far stronger word than I AM. When you say I AM you’re not giving direction to energy. You are stating a universal truth, yes, but if you want to direct energy with your power, then you have to say: I CHOOSE.

If you want to manifest you can’t be content just to BE, you have to work towards choosing; choosing to be what you wish, moment to moment. I’m repeating again: manifestation is possible only when you choose to be what you wish to be, moment to moment. That is destiny! That is the hand of destiny that writes and having writ does not go back because you have written that moment.

Does that mean we are not doing it at present? We are! We are making choices, moment to moment. We are already writing our destiny, moment to moment, but we are doing it unconsciously. Because our self-esteem is not full, we allow the external environment to influence our choices, of which we are completely unaware. Ignorance is the greatest burden that we have on our shoulders and when Buddha sat and got enlightenment, he got Divine Wisdom; he got Divine Wisdom of one fact: HE IS THE UNIVERSE. And in that statement of: I AM the Universe, the burden of unconsciousness, of ignorance, dropped and Buddha became Light, not heavy. And if I AM the Universe, then I have to make a choice.

I’m confused. What happened to the free will choices that my Higher Self as already made?

There is no Higher, lower, under, over self. It’s Self. Glorious Self! Why should there be a Higher Self than me?

Some choices are harder and some are easier.

That’s it! Some are harder and some are easier. The harder ones are where you are moving into that 20% incompletion. That’s all! But there is no higher or lower self. Let’s peal off that layer of the truth.

I refuse to acknowledge that there is a power higher than my own because there is none. There is no other power, forget higher or lower. I always tell people that from where I am you, as separate from me, don’t exist. I’m here talking to all the joyous aspects of ‘Ellaeenah’. How beautiful it is! Each day I see some other beautiful aspect of Ellaeenah. Wonderful! Why would I need another Higher Power when my Power is all around me, within me? It’s all here! Here is my Power before me. You are my Power.

I am not going to look up at someone for there is no God who can be higher, more powerful than I AM. There is no God, there is no being, there is no master, there is no teacher who knows more, who is better, who is more radiant, who is stronger and who is more powerful than I AM. And if that sounds like an ego statement to you, I have been able to beautifully hook you to your lack of self-esteem.

There is only one fish in the tank. I will say this again and again and again till your belief system is as strong as my own: there is only one fish in the tank.

What is mind?

What is mind? What is heart? What is anything? It’s just terms we have given ourselves for different energy vibrations. Wisdom has a vibration all of its own. Love, as a force, has a vibration all of its own. We live in a world where we have chosen (collective consciousness) to experience all, through the many. Energy has so many different vibratory levels. The ALL is composed of the densest to the finest, which the eye cannot perceive; to the densest, which the eye cannot perceive. We can actually perceive only a very limited range of vibratory levels. So we call one the mind; we’ve given it a name. Just as when I was born you chose to call me Niloufer; you could have called me Scherry, you could have called me Shireen, you could have called me anything. You chose to call me Niloufer and this vibratory level was given the name Niloufer. There came a time when I chose to call myself Ellaeenah. So, Niloufer has not gone but Ellaeenah has come in.

What is meditation?
How does meditation enter into this? First of all, when you sit like this (in a meditative pose), you’re not meditating at all. You are attempting to quiet the chatter of the thought. Don’t call it meditation. What you’re attempting to do is to move from a constrained layer to a more expanded layer. That is what you’re doing. Meditation is living in the moment that you are, making the choice that you are making, in complete awareness.

Stress is forcing yourself to live with choices you have made with someone else pulling the strings. There is no stress when you make a choice and have to live with your choice. Throw society out of the window. You don’t have to please anyone because the moment you please yourself, it will be the most automatic and natural response to embrace all. People misunderstand and say: ‘Ell is giving us the license to be selfish.’ If that’s your choice, Ell’s giving you the license. Ell’s not giving you the license to do anything except what you choose to do.

When you have full self-esteem, when the love for self is complete, believe me, you will not be able to do anything else but embrace everyone and then you will not be doing things for others because it’s spiritual, because it’s good, it’s sacred cow, but because that’s what you choose to do. The actions will not change but you will live free of stress, which means you will live for the very first time, instead of just breathing. That’s why we need Pranayama; we don’t even know how to breathe. We are so stressed inside, we don’t breathe completely. And why are we so tight inside? Because society is holding our strings so unforgivingly tight. Take them back. How much is your incompletion of self-esteem that you do not even give yourself permission to breathe, leave alone permission to live?

It’s time for you all to say: ‘I AM God. I AM Power and feel no ego tussle inside.’ It’s a free statement. That is free will. ‘My will is not held by the reins that I have given to someone else. My will is free. I will, I choose my moment.’ That is free will and that is the moving finger that writes and having writ moves on because it’s my finger. It is no one else’s finger that now can write my life story. I choose, in this moment, to take back from the past, present and future all reins that have ever been give, are given or will be given to any other power, save myself, for there is none but I, there is none but I, there is none but I.

Thank you.