15.07.2007

Ellaeenah

Today I wish to take up something that sounds very simple, but it’s something I have learnt through the course of my life…The Power of the Hug.

For a long time I was the kind of person who was unable to give or receive hugs easily. But I have realised and experienced that the hug is one of the most joyous moments, and not I hug all, friend or stranger, without any reservation. And so often I have found that that one hug makes all the difference. Our strength, will, power, wisdom, love flows through these two beautiful instruments of God…our arms.

I would like you all to hug each other before we go on.

Now we can continue.

The major heart meridians are activated when we hug by the action of the stretching of the arms. When you hug, you cleanse and energize your main meridians. The more you hug, the more joyous you feel. What you are feeling good about right now, is that you have hugged not one but so many, and there has been a huge surge of prana that you have received. You are feeling awake and alert. This is how the hug works at the level of the meridians.

At the emotional level, it’s an unspoken statement that you make: I accept you within the circle of my energies. I embrace within my energies, your own. When you embrace someone’s energies completely, can you ever pass a judgment? The more non-judgmental you are, the more all-embracing your hug can be. Acceptance and embrace does not only refer to the acceptance of another. The hug goes beyond that, to the level of self-acceptance. When you are more comfortable shaking hands, you are placing a safe distance between your energies and those of another. Why? Non-acceptance of self, led to non-acceptance of the other. You can accept another only to the extent that you accept self. An inner belief of “I am not good enough” leads you to maintaining distance because then ‘I will not be caught out’. That is the unconscious inner dialogue.

To be able to hug without holding back, you have to know that in spite of your weaknesses and because of your joyous flaws, you are a lovely, lovely human being, and that you have so much to offer the world. Through the hug you offer it unconditionally because you have so much to give. Your cup of divinity is full and overflowing, and when you share it with another it does not become empty, it becomes even more full and rich and abundant. Gibran has said, ‘what is sadder than seeing a beggar standing on a road waiting for alms, is the sight of someone having so much to give, but no one to receive.’ That is what the hug does for you….the more another takes, the richer you are.

Now we move to a third level of the hug. If you are alert and clued in to how you hug, you will get a deep insight of your inner power. Power does not mean domination. That is the singular most strong clue of the powerlessness within.

When your arms are on the top, around the neck or the top of the back, and the others arms embracing your middle, this shows that between the two, you are the one in control. It is a good clue of the control issue. Sometimes, one arm of both is on the top and the other is around the middle. That shows there is no need for control…it is equal and smooth. Then there are those who always hold the other around the middle….you submit to another’s power.

These descriptions might make you incorrectly focus only on your so-called negatives. But the first hug is that of the leader, the one who takes the helm. But leaders are useless without those who have the strength of divine grace to be followers….the third kind of hug. They are the support systems of the leaders. Thus we see that neither the leader nor the follower are stronger…they are equal.

Then there is the hug that is given out of a sense of compulsion and pressure… you don’t really want to hug but have to, let us say, as a social or familial duty. That is when you lean your upper body forward, your feet and lower body maintaining a distance, and then lightly hold the other. For this hug you have to be observant of your body language….whether you are dominating or are submitting to another’s power. If you are submitting to power, then the next time you meet the person, be quick to enter the hug first and let your arms come up. In this way, you deliberately tilt the power equation favourably for you. Therefore you do not submit to power play.

There is a school of thought that teaches to-be parents not to say ‘no’ to children in order to preserve the child’s self-esteem and give nurturing. But the truth is that the child does not get into issue by your words at all; it is your subtle energies that you emanate that cause this. If ‘no’ is said from a space of full embrace, there is not going to be any adverse psychological impact. As a teacher I meet so many parents who constantly say ‘yes’ to anything the child demands because they do not have enough of  themselves to give to their children. Is that ‘yes’ better than ‘no’? Isn’t it true that you often feel that someone is not being genuine, even though the external appearance seems so sweet and loving? The subtle energies you emanate cannot be faked or controlled by you, and because consciousness is a realm without personal boundaries, your subtle energies instantly pick up the truth of another.

In a ‘distanced’ hug the person who enters the hug first takes control of the situation. Now the ‘page 3 hug’. This is not a hug at all; it is one of social contact. I am not running down anyone by using the terminology ‘Page 3 hug’. Often you find that in many social circles, real and genuine friends are few and far between, as there is so much social climbing and competition going on, that each one is always protecting their backs. But for every person, contact is very necessary. The social contact, though it seems completely superficial, gives them the opportunity to make physical contact with themselves, even if it perfunctory and not deep. But it is completely wrong to say that all social party goers are non-genuine. There are those who are in such deep communion with themselves that their hugs are warm and embracing. These persons are not present at the social event to be ‘seen’ but because they truly enjoy being there.

Those who come in order to be ‘seen’, are experiencing an inner emptiness that urges them to be seen, for the picture to be taken. Why? Because through this they are able to say ‘I Exist’.  They want to be acknowledged for who they are, not for what they do or for the position they occupy. They wish to make themselves believe that their ‘chair’ is not more important then they are. That kind of emotional insecurity and inner struggle has to be experienced in order to be truly empathetic. That emotional insecurity often manifests through depression, which could be seen as apathy and inner ‘lack-lustre’, but could also manifest as domination and the acute need for control.
Many do not recognize this as depression and hit back at the person, which only worsens the insecurity and increase the aggressive manifestation and this cycle is vicious and cruel for all considered. Constant and consistent physical contact through the hug and ‘I love you’ helps the person to break free from the cycle.

I am basically a ‘hugger’, but there are those few occasions when I do not want to hug. Should I not respect that, instead of faking it?

I am so happy you asked that question. Friends, I have learnt that energy discernment does not exist. It is all only judgment. Energy cannot discern good and bad because there is no good and bad to discern between; it is only your perception that makes it so. So when you ask me whether you should respect that need, I am go0jng to say ‘no’. In fact, I urge you to enter into an even warmer hug because you have recognized that in your hesitation there is judgment. Energy discernment is a copout. Energy is energy.

What about the sideways hug?

That means ‘I am keeping myself well defended from you… I don’t to reveal all of myself to you.’   That is why it is not face to face…you do not allow access to your heart.

What do you when the other person is resisting your hug?

You stay on in the hug for a few moments longer than what you think you should. That person may not have experienced full acceptance and thus feels the need to defend himself. You thus give him time to realize that here is full acceptance, and to calm the unconscious fears. Those few moments longer are all that is needed.

Very often I realize that I am not feeling ‘all right’ within only when I hug a person and recognize that my hug is not fulsome.

Wonderful insight! Thank you. Through the hug you can easily get into a state of full awareness of your inner state at that moment in time.

What about those persons whose arms just do not go up when you hug and they are firmly held down by their sides?

Those persons are so deeply in pain that their inner fortifications are like cement walls. To penetrate these you must be patient and you must genuinely wish to make a break through. It will be a slow process, but if you persevere you will get responses, first very tentative and subtle, and then stronger and more positive. 

I am sorry but there are some I just cannot hug!!!

I understand, and its ok as long as you use the absence of the hug to look within and see where is the judgment, where is the projection, where is the denial? What memory am I holding onto? Is it relevant to the present NOW?

I have found that some races hug more than others.

That is completely true. Now you can insightfully study the cultures and peoples of those races, those nations that are not comfortable with the hug. There is considerable stoicism and deliberate emotional blandness, often leading to severe psychological and emotional issues.

Some will allow themselves to hug their ‘social equals’, but not those they consider to be lower down the social ladder. This is judgment call that asserts ‘you do not deserve to know my feelings and thoughts’. 

Some are threatened by big displays of emotion as the inner child functions by the inner dictate ‘Don’t Feel’. With such persons you must attempt to meet them half way. You hug them in order to gently change the inner dictate, all the time ensuring that there is not so much effusiveness that causes the inner threat in the other. Your exuberant expression causes them to close up even more, as they feel that you are intruding a private space.

The more confident you feel within, the warmer is your hug and the more comfortable you are with hugging all.

Thank you. Love you. Thank you for making me a hugger.