2007.02.04

Ellaeenah:

Intellectually we all know that time is an illusion and that its reality is not at all what we make it to be. This is particularly true as we live our lives and grow. I may be 45 but when I am arguing, let’s say, with my mother, I may actually be the child of 12. I may be 45 but when I’m caught in a conflict situation, with my son, I may actually be a soul 200 years old.

So then how old am I? Am I 45 or 200 or 12? And the truth is that I am all of this. Whenever I am living in the NOW, completely in awareness of who I am, at present, completely conscious of my growth process, of all that I have unearthed and discovered about myself, then I am 45. Each time I react to my son, clinging to memories of past lives shared together, where both of us wished to control each other, then I instantly become that old. When I react to my mother, harboring feelings of maybe resentment, annoyance, irritation, rejection, whatever it is that I felt at that particular moment in time, when I might have been 12, then I become 12 years old. So time really is an illusion and in the course of daily living, very often, we get caught in the activity of living rather than the process of Life and in that activity of living, we are unaware that we keep shifting our age, we are unaware that very often we do not even live in this embodiment, we are unaware that we do not even see that other person as who she or he really is at present but what we are really seeing, in the inner eye, is a memory of who he or she was.

In my beautiful growth of union with my husband, I realized that, after so many long years with him, that in fact I did not even know my husband as he is now, at all, because each time I looked at him, I actually saw a memory that I was holding of I don’t know how many years and lifetimes ago. So I lived with this man who was a complete stranger to me. I reacted with a stranger because really I was reacting to another soul structure entirely. Just as my soul structure changed, in the course of my evolution, so did his and so has yours and so has everyone else’s and yet, very often, somewhere the energy gets blocked and our memories reside with those blocked energies and we are unable to bring that soul structure, that is stuck in that memory, up to the state of evolution that you really are or the other one really is at. And so we begin reacting also, not with real people; so I did not see Y as who he is, but who he was and what he did. But as soon as I became aware of this simple fact that I did not even know this man, who for so many years I had called my husband because, in fact, my perception was seeing him through my memory block, in that moment of consciousness of the NOW, the energy blocked opened itself up and my memory moved from where it was stuck to where Y and I are in this NOW and for the 1st time made me see my husband as who he IS and with that came the instant soul level realization that my husband merely traveled the same road of I AM NOT existence as I had and has now moved on and is traveling the same road of I AM existence as I am and in this shift, instantly there came a shift from reaction to response.

It is important to understand that every time we react we are moving into a past. You can never react if you are completely in the NOW. If you are in this moment of time, completely, your entire awareness is in this moment. So I know fully who I am, in this moment, and I know fully who you are in this moment, then I can only respond to you. But if in my interaction with K, let’s say, she wears a certain colour or maybe a certain perfume or maybe sits in this manner, which reminds me of something unpleasant that took place, which I am not even conscious of in the Now, I will instantly shift from responding to K to reacting, not to her, but to that situation in the past, although my physical manifestation will make her believe that I am reacting to her. And what I would be reacting to might be a situation, which did not involve K at all but just the fact that she is sitting like this, might trigger a memory of someone who had sat like this when an ugly situation arose, in which I am still trapped, from which I have not been able to release myself.
And this brings us to another level of responsibility. If you need to release yourself from these past memories, it has to be done by you. If I was caught in an ugly situation with X in a past life, it would be ( and I know it intellectually and I know it at a deep gut level as well) foolish on my part to expect X to make amends to me for what he had done to me lifetimes ago ….when there is no need for amends. And why is there no need for amends? We are all walking the same road. So he did what he did and I did what I did and the only thing necessary to release this memory block is not forgiveness, is not asking for forgiveness, but is UNDERSTANDING. Because who am I to forgive you when I could have done something, so-called bad or even worse maybe to another? Who am I to demand forgiveness from another when I could probably be, maybe even in the Now, leading an unconscious life, doing something even worse to another without my conscious awareness? So who are we to demand forgiveness? Who are we that someone apologize and be sorry for their action because there is no action that you commit, no word that you speak that ever demands that you regret it. You can understand that your action is not one that feels comfortable to you but there is no need to be guilty and therefore saying sorry.

The word sorry only comes out of guilt. It should really come out of understanding. When it comes out of understanding then it is a word that joins 2 energies together in a joyous union. When it comes out of guilt, and very often, we parents demand that our children say sorry to us because we wish to put them in a position of guilt because when they are in a position of guilt, we feel comfortable.

Sheila: Why do we feel comfortable?

Exactly the question, Sheila: why do we feel comfortable when our children are in a position of guilt? And that answer is unique to each one of us. And that again, Sheila, does not make you bad; it just makes you human. Because if you are comfortable, it means that a defense mechanism has been activated and that defense mechanism, in order to survive and maintain itself, needs the guilt of another. It could very likely be that the guilt of someone else helps you to assuage your own guilt of which you are not conscious. It could be that.

So today what we are going to do is to do an exercise where we are going to allow ourselves to discover just one of the past moments where our energies are blocked; because our energies are caught at so many different ages and stages of evolution. If we can discover one such memory block and understand it, our understanding will release that energy and no more will you react from that age; no more will you hold on to that past. So I’m going to invite you to allow the most trivial memory to come up. Please understand that very often our reactionary processes are really triggered by something, which if you were conscious of, would surprise you by its apparent non-significance. We tend to look for the big and significant instances to soul search about and very often, these small things come up for our awareness and are ignored because we just don’t think they are important enough.

Yezad: When you talk of blocks caused by past memories, do you need to be aware of the specific memory? And would it be a life thing or a past life or both?

 Do you need to be aware of the memory? Yezad, I’m going to speak from my perception because that’s the only one I know. From my perception, I certainly need to be aware of the exact memory of the situation; once that comes before me, I can easily process it. Till I am able to touch the exact situation, my internal process is a very slow, sluggish, tiring one but as soon as I’m given a memory and that comes up, then my process starts accelerating. Of course I assume, there must be people fro whom this actual awareness of the situation may not really be vital and they may be able to process it in a totally different manner, without that memory being so detailed. And of course, Yezad, when there is no question of time for the soul, you’re not only looking at this life issues but past life issues. And in the course of work on myself and in helping others to unravel their own issues, I have realized one vital fact: every memory of mine is connected, very deeply and vitally, to a past life memory. So you will find, Yezad, that that memory block brings a memory block in a similar situation in this lifetime and creates a this lifetime memory block. But I have noticed that if I persevere and am not satisfied with only unearthing situations in my current lifetime, it always goes back to a past. But in a past lifetime, I do not somehow (now that’s the way I function) need the details. When I persevere and I look for the thread of continuity, I will be able to get a general awareness of the situation, of the conflict and that satisfies me. I am not looking for as many details of the past life as I’m looking for this current life memory.

Nandinie: Right now I am working on a past life issue; you know about it. Am I going to be cutting the emotional aspect or just understanding the…

No. I know exactly what you mean and Nandinie, when such a huge past life issue comes up for us, which has caused us so much pain, then the only way out of that situation is to touch that point of pain again. It is difficult, very difficult, friends, but I have understood that till you touch that point of pain, you tend to intellectualize the letting go. I have been there and done it and now as I help others for issue resolution, I can see that happening. And that’s fine because the intellectualize process is in fact necessary, Nandinie. It’s necessary because it brings up the strength required to understand the situation and then touch the emotional pain. Then when you touch it, nandinie, with the strength of the intellectual understanding, the pain does not crash you; it is like a wave that goes over you but it leaves you standing. But when you touch the emotional pain, without the intellectual understanding, you collapse beneath the force of that wave. But yes, Nandinie, big issues, like this, have to finally touch that pain, you live through that pain but never alone; you always, always, always choose at least one person with whom you can work through this. And when that tidal wave comes, you’ll stand tall because you’ve already grown, you’ve already understood. When that happened to you, you were at a different level of your own evolution. In moments like these, friends, the first thing you have to do is forgive yourself.

N: That’s what I can’t do.

It is so difficult when something that you perceive as completely heinous that you have done faces you and you collapse. You cannot understand how you did something like this. Forgive. Forgive yourself. Let it out Nandinie; let it all out. Don’t hold back. We are all here, right now, to share your pain. May I ask all of you, at present, to send energies to your own hara, to your own womb?

Nandinie, draw on the strength of the Divine Mother whose energies now are part of your energy matrix.

Exercise:

We will allow Nandinie to release gently and the rest of us first, let us internally commit to releasing, a memory block, an energy block of a past. Do not give it any time frame, now or in another lifetime. In fact, what I would invite you to do is to look at it only from this current lifetime. Know that every memory of this lifetime has a continuity with a past. So, please first I want you to think of an area that is problematic to you, where you are not able to make complete headway: maybe you are having friction with a sibling, a friend, a spouse; maybe you are not open to promotions at work, to success, to money. You can identify, for yourself, one, just one area that you wish to deal with and now commit yourself completely to releasing the energy block of the past that is causing you to react, in this manner, in the present.

Gently lay your hands upon your laps and breathe in any colour of light that is making you feel rested and calm and at peace. Breathe it into all the physical knots in your body, especially in the shoulders; we carry so many burdens; our thighs, our knees. With each breath, feel yourself relaxing completely. As you relax and as you release, please understand, dearest friends, that energy can be released in any manner: through burps, passing of wind, cough, sneezes; do not hold yourself back out of any silly conditioning. We are not here to judge your manners; we are all here, together, to share and to release together, as one body, one soul, one energy.

Now let your inner being tell you where, in the physical body, is your energy block, for the situation that you’ve already intended. Place your hand upon that area, in your body; it may be one or two. What is the colour of this energy that is blocked? What is its colour? Be gentle with this energy.

I now invite you to ride upon it and let your mind go as far back as it needs to go to one memory, which has played a significant role, in this block. Do not direct your mind; allow it to go where it needs to go, gently, easily. How old are you now? How old are you? Who are you with? What are the details of your memory: the place, the person, the words, the complete situation? Do not be scared, we are all together. We are all here for one another. At present, do not try to find a connection between the memory and what you are facing, at present. Let that be for another day; just observe all the details of the memory.

What do you feel as you experience this memory? What are your feelings? Become aware of your feelings. Tell the child that it need not be scared anymore, that you are there in full support and love, that you have nothing to be sorry for; you do not have to take this burden of guilt around you. Embrace yourself of the past. Promise that child from this moment forth, I will always be here for you; I will listen to you; I will trust you; I will love you completely. Do not make this promise lightly for the child is listening and wondering whether to trust your words. Is there something you felt you could have done, which you did not do? Forgive yourself for not being able to do it; understand that you could not do it, you were too young, too fragile, too lost, too confused maybe. Release that energy. Let it go. Let it go and in its place, breathe in a colour which you wish to replace this energy; breathe in that colour deeply, fully, completely. Replace this energy completely with the colour that you wish for. Let it go, Khush, let it go. You are so much bigger, so much stronger, so much more powerful, beloved Khush. Let it go. Fill it with all that beautiful coloured light.

Now choose a colour of light that you want to wrap yourself in, to feel embraced and warm and safe. Wrap yourself gently in that light.

You can open your eyes whenever you wish. This was only the first part of the release, where you allowed a memory to be revealed to you. It is that memory that you are reacting from, every time a situation occurs. And sometimes, the memory and the situation do not apparently seem to have a connection but have the faith, in yourself, to know that that memory has come up because it is vital fro this situation. Now, what I will invite you to do is to go home and write down all the details of the memory: what you felt, how old you were, what was the place, who was present, what were the words, everything and then, let your inner being guide you towards that one person who will help you to now forge the connection between then and now and then who will help you to completely release the then so that you move into the now fully. And you can do this for any situation. In doing this, you will be releasing all the memories that are caught and then one day, when you ask yourself, “How old am I?” it will be the actual age and not 200 years old, 12 years old or 6 years old. You will be completely and utterly in the now.

Have a lovely journey, beloved friends.