2008.01.19                  REWRITING THE PAST (MEDITATION INCLUDED)

Ellaeenah

Stories are very, very important to us and Parvez is not wrong when he says ‘We really build our psyches on stories.  Stories told to us at another’s knee, which we may not even remember the contents of, yet have struck a chord deep in our unconscious, and then you form a belief system. Today’s meeting is about creating the NOW, but for that we have to re-write the past.  Re-writing the past is not about forgetting it.  It’s about remembering it, it’s not about denying it, it’s about acknowledging it.  It’s not about rationalizing it, it’s about feeling it.  The best known way of escape to humanity is rationalization.  We are able to rationalize and intellectualize everything, from the making of the matchstick, to a rape and a sexual abuse.  How, then, can we allow ourselves to feel completely? Feeling is scary, feeling, once you start on it, cannot be stopped; the rational mind can be switched of with the flick of a finger with another thought. Try and do that with feeling. Will not work.

Rewriting the past might be painful initially, to bring it back, but it need not continue to be painful, because we are not going to stop the exercise at only recollecting the pain, we are going further and we are going to rewrite the NOW and take it into the future because you are God. 

There is no one who can tell you how you should be feeling. And when I slap you and you feel bad, I am the one telling you how to feel, I am the one in power, not you.  When I hug you and say that ‘you’re the best thing on Earth that has ever happened to me’ and you feel great, again I am telling you how to feel, and I am the one in power, not you. But when you can hear the words, and feel that slap, and choose what reaction you wish, and then feel that which you choose to feel, then you are in power and I don’t exist.  And that’s what the world is about, that only you are, only you are. There is no other living entity save you, there is no other feeling, sentient being of power, save you…  Ell is a figment of your imagination, created to remind you, that YOU ARE…. otherwise she doesn’t exist.  Let us decide to re-write our stories.  We hold the pen in our hand. 

Also let us be a little more cautious of the stories we tell our children.  Have you ever heard nursery rhymes carefully before you tell your kids?  About the fat boy who threw the cat in the well, about the thin boy who saved the cat.  No wonder my darling, darling friend, S, feels ugly.  Because the nursery rhyme tells you that the fat boy is the nasty chap, he throws the cat into the well to drown it, it’s only the thin guy who is the hero.  Let’s choose our poems and stories with care.

In the coming weeks ask yourself which are the stories I do remember? We’ve heard a lot of stories; we don’t remember them all - ever wondered why? You remember the ones you have formed a psychological association with.  Now go through that story in your head, not the way it might be told to you, or the way you read it, but the way you remember it, like m y story of Rapunzel where she is climbing up her own hair, which my rational mind objects to…. That’s not the story….  So recall again, how you remember that story and who do you identify with and why? As soon as Parvez identifies himself with that tortoise, what is the instant identification with tortoise in our English language understanding? ‘Is as slow as the tortoise’.  Its slow.  Its not clever, its not co-operative, its not wily, ‘its slow’.  Parvez has a problem with procrastination!!!!  Hear the stories again in your head, why do you identify? Once you have identified this, re-write it, re-write your stories.  I urge a lot of my clients to do a lot of drawing work.  It would be wonderful if you could draw out a brand new story for yourself.  Like a cartoon strip, square by square, what’s happening next?  And if you were to keep that story hanging without an end, wow! Add one piece to the story everyday.  Why must a story always come to an end? Why can’t I change it everyday? 

I don’t know how many of you read my last Sunday article, ‘Gift of the Moment’.  Most of us who were there at S’s meeting, know that he asked what is the gift you are giving yourself this new year.  Mine is the gift of the moment. I have given myself the gift of the moment and I have not allowed myself to feel guilty about any single moment that I choose to be in and there are these moments that I’ve chosen to be extremely mean, and nasty.  But this time, there’s a difference, this time I’m not reacting,  This time I am fully choosing to be me, because that is what makes me feel safe in that moment.  The external might still view it as reaction, the difference is, the external doesn’t have any power over me any more, because I can will my response and sometimes I can just will it away.  The external is not supreme any more. And believe me, that’s not very easy to take, because those who are in my close ambit are only used to my reacting. They are used to me giving away my power, but now they see a new Ell; one who is choosing to write another story, or a part of a whole story, every single moment.  And no one now, no one exists for me anymore, except myself.  You are sitting before me, not as you; you are me, you are my reflections, I have drawn you here because I have chosen this moment to speak.  Just as from your perspective, I don’t exist; I am only your reflection…. you have drawn me here because you wanted to remember this. 

The NOW is a very, very large space; it has the past, the present and the future.  Not only does it have the past as you have experienced it, but it has the past with all the probabilities that also existed at that time.  It has the present moment, and it has the future, not only as you can actually visualize it, but it has the future with all the possible probabilities there…. even those that you cannot even imagine.  That’s the NOW.  People confuse the NOW to mean ‘that the past, the present and the future is all happening right here. Its not. When books tell us this and when people tell us this, the rational mind cannot accept it, because we do think linear.  So let’s not go against our pattern of thinking because it’s not going to happen. It will merely remain an intellectual esoteric truth in a book, it will never fit into our lives. So let’s think linear. 

Think 1950, 2008, 2012, let’s literally think linier, but this time let’s expand 1950.  1950 is not the moment when mom hit you, and you reacted by saying in your head ‘I will never question authority again’.  1950 has that 1 moment, but 1950 has a thousand other moments at that same time which you can now choose in 2008.  That moment of choice has led to this moment of 2008 and it could be a moment of 2008 when you are still scared to question authority.  Where, may be, police figures make you rebellious or make you very submissive.  It could be a moment in 2008 when you behave in the same way with your children as your mother behaved with you.  Once that moment of 1950 changes, this one of 2008 must change, because you are following another road.  This moment of 2008 which has started with that moment of 1950 can take you into a moment of 2012 when your son walks out of the house and vows never to see you again.  But a shift in the moment of 1950, leading to a shift in the moment of 2008 must naturally shift the moment of 2012.  Does that moment not exist? It exists, certainly. The possibility of your son walking out on you and saying ‘he will never see you again’ exists. You have just chosen not to experience it. 

As we are sitting here, you have taken the choice to come in. Could I foolishly be so egoistic to think that the world has stopped revolving and rotating because Ell is addressing a hall filled with people?, Of course not.  The world, at large, has chosen not to walk in. They are writing their stories in their way.  You are writing one page of your story right now, as you’re sitting here, in your own unique, beautiful manner, and there is no one in this story who can ever have the courage or have the fullness of truth to tell you, hey, you’ve written this page wrongly.  There is no page we’ve written wrong. Only you can tell yourself I don’t want to read this page.  Well go ahead, take an eraser, rub it out, and re-write it. 

Here are some wonderful lines I read recently:

One day my mother scolded me

It hurt me and made me cry,

Every time I tell someone about it,

I feel hurt again, and cry again.

In fact when no one is around me to tell it to,

I remember it and even relive it.

I relive the memory, the words and the feelings

And then I end up crying as if it is happening again

After two weeks I have managed to relive the pain

And cry 18 times total. 

If this thought pattern remains, if my mind keeps doing this,

Who knows how many more times I will hurt and cry.

When in reality, my mother scolded me only once.

How many times, has your husband been unfaithful to you? Once may be in reality; a hundred times in your head.  How many times have you been raped? Once may be in reality but each day you’re being raped again. Each day you look into a man’s eyes and say, ‘I can’t trust you’, you’re being abused again.

How many times are you reading that page again and again?  Each time you read that page, that person who has caused that hurt to you, becomes larger than life, and becomes so much more powerful than you.  You may claim to hate that rapist, hate that dominating father, hate that tyrannical mother….. my surprise stems from the fact that you’re giving the greatest gift you have ever given to that person who hate, and that’s the Gift Of Your Divine Power.  From where I look at it, it doesn’t quite seem like hate to me.  We think about the monitory value of a gift, - Ah, I’ve met her three times, Rs. 160/-?, but my friend might give her Rs. 300/-, ok, I’ll give her 400/-.  Ok, she’s done so much for me, ok, I’ll give her Rs. 3,500/- worth - but there’s no thought of giving away the gift of our power. We don’t even think, we do it so generously, and to just about anyone available around you.  Oh! S is available around me; let me give away my power to her, because there is no one else, Oh, K has walked in, wonderful! I can now give my power to K and S.  And, wow! Sm has come all the way from wherever she comes, I have to give my power away to her, I can’t possibly let her go without giving her that gift.  How many times will we do this, and then how many times will we cry because we’ve been hurt? I can feel that deep, deep pain that you come with when you come to me, and sometimes the pain is so deep that I have no words to give you, only my arms to hold you.  But let’s not live it again and again.  Every moment that you are guilty about doing something, every moment that you are ashamed about, has been written in that book of your stories, and you choose to read it daily.  Why don’t you write instead, I am human and I have the right to mess up.  That we never write. Instead of spending time re-writing our stories, we want to read the so called beautiful stories where the couple always rides off into the sunset on a white horse. You forget, it happens to be someone else’s story.  You may be only reading one page of it. Wait, before you want that life; turn a few pages down, can you see in that story the wicked old witch with that Red Apple? Can you see in that story the hunter who tried to kill you and take away your heart? Can you read in that story about that spider that comes to scare you? 

Every life can have a couple riding off into the sunset, and every life can have you being shot dead or left abandoned and rejected.  You choose, you choose. Sometimes we give away our power to those who are close to us because we think that makes us ‘a good son’ or ‘a good husband’ or ‘a good father’ or ‘a good mother’ or ‘a good daughter’.  Very often the hold that a mother has over her son, even after he is married, is something unique to behold.  She just doesn’t allow the son to grow up, and she ensures that he is tied to her coat tails; God forbid he should ever start relying on his wife.  And the husband perpetuates that story and constantly listens to everything that his mother says, even though he might be 67 and she is 94.  And then another story gets simultaneously written, - the wicked old witch who is called ‘wife’.  But in the wife’s story book, she is not the wicked old witch, in the wife’s story book, she is the hurt and abandoned princess; The Sleeping Beauty waiting for someone to come and kiss her.  There are stories within stories within stories. 

Have a little play session with your friends sometimes.  Let’s say there are four actors/characters in that story.  Have four of you sitting together and say, let’s choose, what do I want to be, what do you want to be? So, four characters have now been chosen.  Now we are going to re-write separately, keeping the characters in mind that now D is playing this character, N is playing the other one, and M is playing the third. So now I am keeping in mind not only the character, but also who is playing that character in the game play. Now each one of us will individually and separately rewrite that story, keeping in mind who is playing that particular character. Very interesting to know what you think of others, - and it’s all by game….. because that’s what life is, it’s a game. Change the rules whenever you choose. 

Make the rules that you want.  Follow the truths that you choose to follow. There is no one; there is no one who can tell you that your truth is wrong. There is no one who can tell you that what you dream will not be attained, because you can see it, you can feel it, you actually live it in the now. And the more we ask people, ‘am I right?’ will this happen? Should I change my plan? Everyone will take your power and pull your strings in a different way.  If you can dream it, if you can live it, It Already Is. No tarot cards, and no crystal readings, can tell you otherwise.  What power are you giving a tarot card or a tarot card reader, or a crystal? Greater power than your own?   There is no reader, no crystal, no divination card, no tarot card, and no tool in this Universe that can give you a certain yes or no answer, because you are creating a moment NOW.   A Light Worker worth his or her name, will give you guidance, yes, will never give you prediction.  Will not give you a yes or a no answer.  We give our power away in the NOW, in the past, and in the future, and we ask others to be the writers of our stories.  Everyone is allowed to write your story…. except yourself. 

So how are we going to rewrite our stories? A small weekly plan. I share it with my clients, I share it with you today.  Five minutes of visualization everyday.  Why visualization? If you can see it, IT IS.  If you can’t see it, your spirit is guiding you to rethink what you truly wish for on this road.  If you can visualize it in detail, if you can actually feel yourself becoming that which you are visualizing for those Five minutes, then know that it is, it is, it is. 

After the Five minutes of visualization are over, you’re going to change your brain circuitry. Brain circuitry can be changed by constant repetition of an action or a word – so five minuets of affirmation.  Here’s the trick of the affirmation – People think, oh, if I can affirm, then it is.  Why does affirmation work?  Affirmations work because by conscious use of word and thought and action, you are actually touching the subconscious mind.  The subconscious mind does not know right or wrong, good or bad. It follows the directions given to it by conscious thought process, and then ironically becomes the leader in the game. It takes its lead from outside consciousness, then it becomes a pattern in the sub-conscious and then begins to, in fact, influence the conscious again. So you are caught in a vicious loop.  Having understood this about the mind and the sub-conscious mind, use the subconscious mind’s process.  People say ‘but I don’t believe my affirmation’, and I turn round and say ‘did I say to believe in your affirmation? I said say it. But that makes me a liar, they cry. So I turn round and say, is the first time you’re going to lie…. or the last? You have many more lies to tell, so you can say the affirmation with a clear conscience. So though you can’t believe it, the subconscious mind does not know that!!!  That’s the joy; the subconscious mind does not know that.  The subconscious mind is only paying attention to your word.  So you’ve visualized it, so you are feeling great because you’ve started living it, immediately start affirming it. Immediately in that great space.  So Five minutes of visualization, Five minutes of affirmation and then Five minutes of re-writing the story the way you want it.  That’s Fifteen minutes to write the story your way, get it published by you.  Heck no one wants to read it, so what, I want it for myself.

But with this re-writing we do have to go back to the past, because the past is the Here and the Now, the present moment is the Here and the Now, the future is the Here and the Now, with all its diverse possibilities and probabilities, its all in the NOW….. and don’t be mistaken the NOW doesn’t mean the present moment.  The NOW is this wide spectrum of possibilities and choices that you could have made including the one that you did turn into reality.  The wide spectrum of possibilities and probabilities lying before you right here in this moment including the one that you are choosing to experience, and it is the wide spectrum of possibilities and probabilities in the future including the one you choose to experience. That’s the NOW.  

So let’s do this; let’s re-write at least one story today.  Will it happen to you instantaneously? That I don’t know. I know that it happens in that 1 moment when there is no doubt in you that I AM GOD. I don’t know when that moment will be for you, I don’t know whether it will be today, right here, right now. I pray it is. I don’t know whether you will go back and say, I need to do this again, I’ll do it for 14 days and if that’s what your spirit is urging, go with that. YOU ARE GOD, how can I know more than you do? 

I want you to know through every moment I am going to walk with you, and even in the days and weeks to follow, you are not alone. I’ve lived through pain, and I don’t want you to live through it longer than you need to. So together, you and I, will ensure that you don’t have to live it one more day than your spirit chooses to.  You are not alone, you are not abandoned, you are not rejected, you are not unloved. Till the day I am a reflection of you, you know that you are loved every moment. So don’t be scared as I ask you to touch those emotions, to touch those feelings…. don’t be scared.  If you need to cry, allow the tears to flow; if you need to shout, there’s no one judging you for that, if you need to hit out at someone, there’s the back of the chair ahead of you….. (Laughter)

Meditation

As I count down, I want you to take deeper and deeper breaths.  With every breath that I count down, I want you to make it a longer and slower breath, and I want you to stop breathing at the end of breathing in, for longer and longer counts.  Initially you may start with two counts of holding the breath, before you release it.  Second - 4 counts, third-6 counts, fourth-8 counts, and so on.

Breathe in ….. 15--------  14----------- go deeper and lower -------- 13 --------- let your body slow down at 12 ----------deeper and slower --------- 11 ---------------- deeper and slower at 10 --------- even deeper at 9 ------------------- touching the peripheries of past memories at 8 --------------- body is slowing down, the heart doesn’t need to beat fast any more, at 7 ---------------- very deep at 6 --------- slower and deeper at 5 ----------- you might feel a little bit sleepy, allow this state of so-called sleep, to come over you, at 4 -------------- we are almost there, at 3 ---------------  embracing courageously past memories, ------- deepest ------ deepest -------- deepest at 1 --------

Inhale gently through your nose, ---------- slowly exhale  through your mouth, inhale through your nose, ------ and exhale through your mouth -------- feeling a wave sweeping over you, relaxing your entire body completely ---------- inhale through your nose ---------- exhale through your mouth--------------- in this state of relaxation, let your soul decide which memory, which story you wish to re-write, right here in this moment ---- remember, no story is to important or too insignificant ------

-- Now that you have identified the story, let your physical body guide you, to see where the blocked energy of the past of this story exist------ allow yourself to get this knowingness through thought, image, picture, colour, temperature, feeling, what ever it might be. 

Now focus on that physical area…. if it is possible to touch the area, you can do that, tell your mind now, THE BODY IS HERE --- what you are doing  is, taking the full physical energy and focusing it on that spot which holds the blocked energies of the past.  ------ THE BODY IS HERE ---------- THE BODY IS HERE. 

Now, my dear friends, brave, brave courageous souls, allow yourself to feel the whole experience ----- do not fall into the entrapment that you have moved beyond it, that it now does not have a hold over you, ----- if that were true, my dear friend, the spirit would not have asked you to re-collect, re-live it….. hear every word, every action….. did you feel threatened, violated, used, misunderstood, unloved, cheated, betrayed, ------- feel these feelings again --------------- its only for a brief moment, ----------- but feel them completely, ---------------- let them transport you back to that same moment ------ the harshness of the voice, -------- the anger and fury may be in the eyes ---------the turning away of the head, blocking you out. -----------------------------(long pause) –

---- the future is a replica of the past, because the past is still living in you, in this moment, but my friend, real transformation is here and now with you. ---------------- relive the entire experience, this time, giving it the ending that you wish to see, that you would like to experience ------- relive this chosen reality as strongly as you relived the past --------- do not fall into spiritual entrapment my friend, -------------- you do not need to say ‘I have forgiven you,  I have let it go’, it doesn’t exist anymore as you re-write the story, ------------ re-write this story, from which ever point you wish to experience the change, in what ever way you wish to experience that change, --------- feel the difference in the feelings within you ------------------ feel the gentle shifting of the energy in that room in that space,  in that moment --------- feel the free flow of energy between you two, -------- or however many are there with you sharing this experience -------------

do not feel scared to re-write it with large dreams, do not make the end tentative and small ---------------- dare to write it magnificently, gloriously, as big as your own power ----------------------------- how joyous it is for me to see, smiles now across your face.  -------

Now bring that re-written moment into this present moment. ------------- not the past moment as it was, allow the energy of that re-written moment to flow with you into this current moment of your reality.    Again focus on that physical spot -------- THE BODY IS HERE --------- how does it feel?, much lighter isn’t it?, in fact, do you feel it at all?, Allow the free flow of energy in that spot ----------------

And now divine, divine writers of your story, write a future of this story, visualize this future clearly, tangibly, like a pulsating reality ------------- let there be any and every detail in this future that you wish for, ------------ live this future --------- live it right here, right now, feel yourself living it, ------------- here the words -------------- feel the feelings ------------- see the changed expressions and eyes around you, --------------  when you have lived it fully and completely, you will embrace, hug yourself and open your eyes in joy. 

When you rewrite the past you attain more than just one goal. You cultivate the Higher Mind for what you see as the future is always in alignment with your higher purpose. You cultivate Compassion, you are neutralizing forces of the past and most joyously, you neutralize the force of Karma.  For when you are re-writing story, from higher wisdom, in that moment, whether you are aware of it or not, you have made an acknowledgement, I am God and so are you.  And in that moment there is no Karma left. 

I EMBRACE YOU IN ALL LOVE. God Bless you all.