Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is a choice.

 ---Ellaeenah Jadefire

When I was young, I used to think getting older automatically meant getting wiser. That with each birthday, I’d become more “adult.” But time has taught me something quite different.

 I’ve met people in their early twenties who are wiser than their years, and I’ve met people in their sixties still stuck in the same loops — blaming, avoiding, deflecting. And if I’m honest, I’ve been both, too, at different points in my life.

The truth is: maturity doesn’t come from age. It comes from awareness. It comes from making brave choices - truth over comfort, responsibility over ease, self-awareness over denial. It asks us to let go of illusions, forgive what hurt us, and move beyond them.

For me, growing up has been learning to manage my emotions with accountability — even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. It’s realising that no one is coming to save me. It’s realising that no one needs to come to save me. That it’s not my parents’ job, my husband’s job, my children’s job, or life’s job to make me feel whole. Or happy.

Growing up for me has been those quiet moments where I catch myself before reacting (or very quickly after reacting), and ask, “What’s really happening here? This reaction is mine to own. What old wound is being touched?”

It’s learning to pause

To walk away.

To forgive.

To refuse to take in another’s energies.

To stop playing a part in the games of others.

To stop playing games myself.

To stop seeking attention, approval and validation.

To not resent those who care enough to point out my flaws.

To not define myself by the roles I play.

To own my energy.

And let me be clear: I haven’t always gotten it right. Sometimes I’ve clung to blame because it felt easier than facing myself. Sometimes I’ve tried to control life instead of trusting it. But every time I choose to come back to self-responsibility — not in a harsh way, but a loving way — I grow up a little more. I hold space for myself more deeply. I find more of me to love.

We often confuse coping mechanisms for maturity. We say, “I’m just taking my time,” when really, we’re procrastinating on what we’re afraid to face or find unpleasant to do. We say, “It’s not my fault,” when we’re quietly passing the buck and avoiding our part. We say, “I just need a break,” when what we’re doing is escaping.

Growing up is seeing clearly that

Procrastination is avoidance in disguise.

Blame is refusal to look within.

Escapism is cowardice with prettier language.

These behaviours might help us feel comfortable for a moment, but they keep us stuck - in ruts that silently get deeper. They delay our healing, our growth, and the life we say we want.

To grow up we have to stop waiting for the “right moment” and just start. Own our part in repeated patterns instead of blaming others. Sit in discomfort rather than wishing it away with distractions. Because the truth is, growing up is uncomfortable sometimes. It asks more from us than deflection, dishonesty, or delay ever will. It asks for courage. For presence. For the humbling of an ego too fragile to look at itself honestly.

But here’s the gift: every time we choose presence over avoidance, ownership over blame, soul truth over ego comfort — we evolve.

That’s what growing up really is.

Growing up begins on the inside. It’s not about waiting for others to change so we can feel peace — it’s about realising we’re not victims of life, but co-creators of it. It’s no longer about performing, pretending, or people-pleasing, but about finally meeting ourselves with honesty.