Why Am I So Misunderstood?

 ---EllaeenahJadeFire

There’s a kind of inner ache that doesn’t always have a name. It comes up each time I try to explain myself, and still feel unheard, unseen, unsupported. After I tell my truth, and someone looks at me like I’ve spoken a foreign language. And I silently ask myself: "Why don’t they get me?" "Why do they always feel like I’m ‘too much’?" "Why is it so hard just to be me?"

If you've ever asked those questions, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve felt this too - many times. Let me share a little bit of my journey through this, in case it helps you some.

Right off the bat, let me tell you this - you are enough: their versions of too much or too little are just that - their versions. You need to do or be nothing different. You must change only in the way you choose to change. When you choose to change.

Sometimes, when I open up to people they don’t really listen. They hear the words, but they are stone deaf to my pain. They may even defend the ones who hurt me, or offer a version of the story that makes me feel like I’m the one who’s wrong. It’s like they’d rather change my perspective than truly see me. And that leaves me feeling more alone, more unseen, than if I had said nothing at all.

I know that sometimes people aren’t seeing you. They’re seeing a version they’re more comfortable with. The version of you they have firmly etched in their belief. This may seem painful, but it’s true. Often, they know a past version of you, and they know how to ‘deal with’ that past version, and they do not see the person you are today. And, hey, sweet one, sometimes they don’t want to see the person you are today. But you know what? That’s their ignorance, their blindness. And frankly, their loss.

You’re changing. You’re becoming. You’re no longer hiding behind masks. You are expressing your truth. And not everyone knows what to do with that, so they try to push you back into that old box. They don’t understand you, because the harsh truth is that for many it’s not about who you are now. It’s about what makes them feel familiar. Feel comfortable.

When you speak from your depth, they hear neither your words, nor the pain behind your words. People only listen from the filters of their wounds. This is a widespread reality. It’s true for all of us. When we emotionally mature enough to understand this, we shall stop the judging.

You might be someone who feels deeply. Are sensitive. I know I am. I don’t just talk to pass time. I speak to connect. You, too, probably share your truth in the hope that someone will connect with it, understand it, accept it. You may be setting a boundary, but it sounds to them like rejection. You're trying to be real, but they think it’s a pretence. A show. It hurts, doesn’t it? But they can only see the reality they choose to see, so don’t judge yourself by their reactions.

My hurt friend, sometimes people hear you through the inner child filters you don’t know are present within them. Your emotion feels like attack because it's more intense than they know how deal with. Your honesty could sometimes be expressed too intensely. How we express is as important as what we express. I have had to accept this hard truth, and work upon it. Not because they want me to, but because I choose to, so that my tone does not create a wall of miscommunication.

I know that you’ve outgrown that old version of yourself, but often you’re frustrated because they are still seeing that old version. They are still hearing the words from the lips of that old version, and so the judgements keep on coming. There’s nothing you can do about this. If they haven’t caught up with you, it doesn’t mean that you should stop your onward journey. You used to be what people needed you to be, but you aren’t that person anymore. You be YOU!

Continue to reclaim yourself.

Yes, growth is lonely sometimes. Especially when the people closest to you are still relating to the version of you that hasn’t been around for a while now. Do not allow their misunderstanding to make you feel so unsafe that you revert to your old self. Your vulnerability may lead to rejection from some, your truth may be mocked, your emotional expressions may make someone else uncomfortable. Keep reminding yourself, ‘I am not here to be what another needs me to be.’

Yes, I know you’re tired. I get that way too. And I know you want to be loved for who you really are. I like that too. But it's important for you to know that the pain of being misunderstood can be dealt with. You grieve, if you need to, for the lost relationships. You learn to stop chasing understanding from people who can’t offer it yet. You breathe.

And most importantly

You continue to speak your truth.

You continue to show up for yourself.

You continue to be YOU.

---Not for applause, not for validation.

But because it’s the only way you wish to live now.

And slowly the right persons come into your life. I know this because I am blessed with so many of these wonderful people who enrich my life. The ones who hear your silence, and do not need you to speak. The ones who feel the rhythm of your heart in your words. The ones who don’t recoil when you show your depth.

But to make space for them, you have to first be yourself, unapologetically. You navigate that deep ache of being misunderstood, by staying with yourself. By showing up for yourself every single time they hurt you with their lack of understanding, their impaired vision, their inability to listen. The hurt shall come up, but you shall hold yourself through it, and navigate your life around it. Let their blindness sharpen your vision. Let their absence teach you how to never abandon yourself again. Because the world doesn’t need a modified version of you. It needs the truth of you, loud and whole.